Hey, hey!
So obviously, I've been a Neglectful Nelly of this space, and for that, I can't even apologize.
I've been entirely too busy in other spheres. I haven't even been working on my Reading Journal past logging my reading numbers. Can't even get my reviews done.
But I've been writing, and working, and cleaning this Hoarder's Paradise (said totally tongue-in-cheek).
But I just read something in a short story that has me yanked out of the zone.
OWMT
In my social media spaces, I use this acronym anytime I'm talking about a certain kind of book, a certain genre, a narrow slice of life. I'm talking about Old White Man Thrillers. These are James Bond-Indiana Jones-Mike Hammer types. They are military, para-military, former operatives, fictitious operator agencies. They deal with international political intrigue. They are stodgy old PIs getting themselves into as many jams as out of.
They are a guilty pleasure.
My favorites, come in two types:
James Bond by Sir Ian Fleming, Mike Hammer by Mickey Spillane, etc.
And the big three that I've been reading ever since I got my Nook years and years ago: Scot Harvath by Brad Thor, Cotton Malone by Steve Berry, and Sigma Force by James Rollins.
These are the kinds of books that action junkies who read like. They're written by what appears to be CisHet Men. I acknowledge that it seems counter-intuitive to my feminist ideologies, but I also acknowledge what is wrong with these books in the grand scheme of things.
For the record, my favorite of all of them is Sigma Force by James Rollins. Rollins has an ensemble cast comprised of several genders and several ethnicities and the men treat the women as equals. Score +10 for Enlightened Manhood.
That being said, I'm reading a Cotton Malone short story before I lose the library book due to timeout.
Cotton Malone
Cotton Malone is at this current moment, my least favorite of my OWMT series. Now it's been a hot minute since I've read Thor's Scot Harvath, but that's another story for another time.
Cotton is a middle-aged, former/retired operative of the Magellan Billet, a special clandestine unit of the United States government who double as international legal consultants and lawyers. Each of the 12-ish members of the Billet are bar-passing lawyers and operatives of another agency. In Cotton's case, a commander in the US Navy. (He's retired from both.)
I have so many issues with Cotton leading up to this, starting with the fact that he whines for the first half of each book "Why me? Get someone else," and then spends the second half of the book bossing people around "I'm the only one who can do this so you're going to listen to me." His former boss, Stephanie Nelle is the only reason I'm still reading this damn series.
The Tudor Plot
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| The Tudor Plot, 2013 |
So I'm reading The Tudor Plot, Cotton Malone #7.5 and I have so many questions. And none of it has anything to do with Cotton himself.
The Queen of England in this series is a woman name Victoria II. Obviously, the British Monarchy can be quite litigious and therefore, Berry couldn't exactly write a scandalous intrigue tale about them without certain backlashes. So there's been some fudging or recent histories. (Histories being fudged, hmm. Typical, even if in this case understandable.)
In this tale, Victoria II has Parkinson's, is bound to a wheelchair when in residence, and has been the queen most Americans have known their entire lives. She's got a line in the story, when she's talking to Cotton, where she says "I'm in my eighties." So Elizabeth II adjacent, but with a completely different backstory.
Victoria II's son, Richard, is a cad, a womanizer, doesn't care that he's putting the monarchy through the ringer. He also has affection for the Roman Catholic Church and meets with the Pope regularly. Due to Henry VIII's shenanigans, and this is true history, the monarch of Britain absolutely cannot be Catholic as they are the Head of the Anglican Church. Whoa Nelly.
Richard's sister, Eleanor, is a part of a plot with her father-in-law to eradicate Richard's claim on the throne. She wants to be queen. But not only is Richard in her way, but so is his son, Arthur.
I'm in Chapter 4 of a 12 chapter short story and this is where I'm flummoxed.
Eleanor's husband is sterile. Both she and her father-in-law know it. Therefore, he's never 'gotten her with child'. Nigel, Dearest Daddy-in-law, knows that in order for Eleanor to be Queen, hold power, and HIS last name becoming the new line of monarchs, she must have an heir.
So he just slept with her and she's convinced she's ovulating.
Back up the God Damn Horse. What?
Logistical Nightmare
Let's not even go into the gross weirdness that is, because let's be honest: we've all read worse.
There is a medical issue with all of this.
Eleanor is Victoria II's daughter.
Victoria II is in her 80s.
At the safest, latest, Victoria II would have had Eleanor in her early 40s, still quite late.
That still makes Eleanor in her early 40s.
How she gonna have a healthy baby to make heir? I mean, I know it's possible. One of my best childhood friends was born on her mother's 42nd birthday and she's one of the healthiest and smartest people I know.
Berry is treating Eleanor as though she is a young and nubile early-30s-something.
OWMT: Still not understanding women or reproductive realities.
Same ol', same ol'.
Her Royal Pinkness, Elizabeth I
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